


The Splash Mountain Pictures Are Hilarious

by cosmicocean



Series: Cousin Sergeiverse [4]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Humor, the traditional disney world fic, these nerds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-06-08 23:07:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6878515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmicocean/pseuds/cosmicocean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I would kill…” Natalia thinks about it. “Seventeen men for a vacation.” <br/>“But bad ones,” Clint adds.<br/>“Mostly bad ones,” Natalia amends.</p><p>Snapshots of the Sergeiverse going to Disney World, dedicated to a.perry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Splash Mountain Pictures Are Hilarious

“Okay,” Tony says from where he’s flopped face down on the floor of the common area in Avengers Tower. His arms are spread eagled and he looks like he’s trying to melt into the carpet. “I’m just saying, it’s time for a vacation.”

“We don’t get vacations,” Steve mumbles. He’s on the couch, legs spread across Bucky’s legs, where Bucky is sitting with his head lolled over the back of it. Sam’s made the armchair practically vertical and he’s curled up on it. Natalia’s sitting up, but looks exhausted as she absently strokes Clint’s hair in her lap. Bruce is on one of the other couches, possibly asleep. Even Thor looks tired. 

“We get vacations if we want vacations. This is America. Freedom. Apple pie. All that shit. Isn’t that your purview, Cap’n Crunch, don’t you know that shit?”

Steve’s too tired to even rise to the bait. “Sure.”

“I concur, friends,” Thor says, curling up even deeper into his Snuggie. “A vacation would be most delightful.”

“Yeah.” Clint perks up slightly. “Who says we can’t have a vacation?”

Bruce is evidently awake enough to say to the pillow he’s jammed his face into “V’cations are good.”

“I would kill…” Natalia thinks about it. “Seventeen men for a vacation.” 

“But bad ones,” Clint adds.

“Mostly bad ones,” Natalia amends.

Sam raises a thumbsup from his chair.

Steve looks at Bucky.

“You don’t want to know how many men I would kill for a vacation,” Bucky answers. Seventeen is a low figure.

Steve sighs. “Okay. Let’s make plans for a vacation.”

 

“What about Paris?” Tony asks while Natalia somersaults over him to shoot a robot in the face. “Paris is nice this time of year.”

“You think Paris is nice every time of year,” Steve points out, decapitating three robots in a row with his shield.

“Nice,” Tony says approvingly. “And that’s cause it _is_.”

“We were just in Paris fighting some of Thor’s Norse crap,” Bucky points out into his coms, shoving robots off a building. 

“Was that the one with the tower?” Thor inquires. 

“Yup.”

“Then verily, we were.”

“No Paris, then” Sam says, spiraling and trying to shake robots off his wings.

 

“Rome!” Steve suggests while he works on disabling the computer systems in the castle, which of course means smashing it repeatedly with his shield.

“They won’t let us back in Rome, Steve,” Bucky reminds him flatly.

“Oh, right.”

 

“Asgard?” Tony asks while shooting at aliens. “ _HA YES EAT IT DICKBAG NERDS.”_

Thor grimaces. “No.”

 

“There’s only so many places we haven’t been, you know?” Bruce points out sleepily when they’re in the Tower elevator.

“LAS VEGAS,” Clint says loudly.

“NO, CLINTON,” Natalia says just as loudly.

 

They’re playing Wii frisbee (it’s raining outside) when Clint sends his Wiimote crashing through the Tower window.

“God dammit, Clint,” Tony says. “Pepper says no more broken windows because of the Wii.”

“ _I KNOW WHERE WE SHOULD GO._ ”

 

“This is a bad idea,” Sam says. “Throwing it out there for the record.”

“Party pooper.” Natalia readjusts her ears in the Quinjet.

“I liked the movies,” Steve says. “Is it like that?”

“Oh, Cap, Cap, Cap.” Tony throws an arm around Steve’s shoulders. “Prepare for gross capitalism on the scale I can only aspire to.”

“I call dibs on introducing Bucky and Steve to It’s a Small World,” Clint says.

“What is a small world?” Thor asks. “And is not your world very tiny indeed?”

“Okay, Thor too.”

“Pepper didn’t want to go?” Jane asks, looking amused at the whole exchange.

Tony waves a hand. “She had this whole ‘running a company’ excuse.”

“If I Hulk out in line for The Haunted Mansion,” Bruce deadpans. “I am blaming every single one of you.”

 

“THE WORLD OF DISNEY!” Thor booms at the entrance to the Magic Kingdom. “I AM DELIGHTED TO MAKE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE.”

Natalia pushes up her Mickey Mouse sunglasses. “Gentlemen,” she says. “I insist that we will be hitting up Space Mountain first.”

 

Steve throws up on Space Mountain.

“You _jump out of planes_ ,” Bucky says delightedly. “ _With no parachute._ For a _living._ ”

“That,” Steve says, pointing at Bucky with one hand as he wads up his shirt and throws it in a trashcan with the other. “Is very different. Does anyone have a shirt I can borrow?”

“I feel like Captain America can get away with violating the ‘no shirts no service’ policy,” Tony answers.

“We could get you a princess dress,” Clint says. Steve raises his chin.

“I would look _great_ in a Cinderella dress.”

“Cinderella _is_ kind of his Disney princess,” Sam agrees.

Steve ends up getting a tie-die shirt with the Sorcerer Mickey on it. It’s hard to say which pictures appear more on Twitter, Steve walking around shirtless in Mickey Mouse ears until they found a shirt in his size or Steve in the tie-die shirt.

 

(their trip of course trends on Twitter)

(#AvengersAtDisney nearly breaks the damn site)

 

They let Clint drive the Jungle Cruise. He enjoys it immensely, even if he can’t make it go any faster than five mph.

“Clinton,” Bruce says, leaning over the ride’s edge slightly. “If you don’t stop hitting these corners so hard, it will be my turn to barf.”

The guide looks alarmed, but Tony waves at her.

“Don’t worry,” he says. “There’s nothing weird about Hulk vomit. Just normal vomit.”

She doesn’t appear reassured.

 

The line for Haunted Mansion is ridiculously long. Thor gives Jane a piggyback while they wait. Natalia gives Clint one as well. 

Steve looks at Sam. “Do you want one, too?” he asks deadpan.

“Ha ha ha,” Sam retorts. “Go fuck yourself.”

Thor screams on Haunted Mansion and clings to Jane. Tony delightedly takes a vine of him swinging at the spirit projections.

 

“Oh my god,” Bucky enthuses after the teacups. “That was amazing. Steve, we’re going back.”

“I already threw up on Space Mountain, what more do you want from me?”

 

“ _Again_ ,” Thor commands on Splash Mountain. Jane eventually stops after time thirteen, saying “I am soaking far too much, Thor, Sam and I are going to go eat something.” Bruce joins them, looking a little green around the gills. After time twenty-eight, the rest of them rejoin Jane, Bruce, and Sam, who look far dryer and more comfortable, decked out in gift shop attires.

 

“ _Pirates of the Caribbean_ is better than any of us will ever be,” Bucky says and everyone has to agree.

 

“This is terrifying,” Steve whispers from where he and Bucky are cowering in the back of their carriage. “Why do people like this? _Why won’t they stop singing?_ ”

“Nobody likes it,” Clint says. “That’s why _everyone_ has to go on it.”

“My Jane was right to avoid this ride,” Thor mutters, doing his best to shrink down into the bottom of the ride.

Clint just cackles.

 

“We’ve _been_ to all these places,” Steve objects at the World Showcases.

“Shut up and eat your cannoli,” Sam orders.

 

“Mission: Space has given people heart attacks and seizures,” Natalia says, dragging Clint behind her. “We’re going.”

Bucky frowns. “Why, no, who, would you want-“

“Come on, Bucky!” Steve yells, grabbing his arm. “We gotta get in line!”

Bucky throws up his other arm. “Of course,” he mutters. “ _You_.”

“Jane and I will enjoy such a thing, correct, Jane?” Thor asks. Jane is tiny, but suddenly very fierce.

“Please,” she says. “I’ve been training my whole life for this.”

 

“ _Test Track, Test Track, Test Track,_ ” Sam, Natalia, and Clint all chant as one when they approach the ride. Bruce and Bucky stay in the gift shop.

“I want to build cars now,” Tony announces when they get off the ride. Steve doesn’t even look up from the model car he’s looking at.

“No.”

 

“Buck and I saw some of these in the theaters,” Steve says before they get on The Great Movie Ride. 

“Yeah, it’s cause you’re old as fuck.”

Steve and Bucky both smack Clint up the back of the head.

 

They buy so much _Star Wars_ merchandise after Star Tours that Bucky’s impressed there’s any left.

 

Thor loves the Tower of Terror. No one is surprised. Jane adores it too, which astounds everyone.

“Figures,” Clint says, still windswept and shaking slightly as Jane and Thor get back in line, giggling. “They’re both crazy. They suit each other.”

 

They don’t go to Animal Kingdom. Zoos make Bruce deeply uncomfortable. 

 

In Tony’s Tower room, they’re sleepily lounging about. Clint is curled up into Natasha, her hands in his hair as they doze off. Thor, Sam, and Steve are at the spa, having also dragged Bruce along. Tony and Jane are doing work together on the floor, trading a StarkPad back and forth with complicated equations on it.

“Hey,” Bucky says from where he’s on his phone, favoriting his favorite tweets about their trip. “Barton.”

“Hm?”

Bucky gives him an honest smile. “This was a good idea.”

“M’full of those.” Clint smiles faintly without opening his eyes. “Thanks.”

 

Needless to say, Disney trips become a regular thing.

(Steve throws up on Space Mountain every time)

**Author's Note:**

> Surprise! This fic series lives.
> 
> This particular fic is dedicated to a.perry, whose beautiful comment kicked my ass into writing another story for the Sergeiverse. This one's for you, darlin.
> 
> Assume that they went to every ride, even the ones we didn't see.
> 
> Oh, and the shirt Steve's wearing: http://www.disneystore.com/sorcerer-mickey-mouse-tie-dye-tee-for-adults-walt-disney-world-2016/mp/1391215/1000228/


End file.
